Of Him, and Me

Sepanjang tahun ini yang baru hampir 3 bulan berlalu, minggu ini...seluruh minggu ini adalah minggu yang paling tidak sibuk buat saya. Buat pertama kalinya, setiap hari dalam minggu ini saya pulang awal ke rumah. Biasanya saya terkejar-kejar dan malah kadang tidak punya masa untuk paling tidak mencuci baju, tapi minggu ini saya punya masa untuk buat perkara sekecil itu. Selalunya, saya pulang agak lewat dan sudah terlalu penat untuk hanya sekadar mencuci baju. Tapi minggu ini, alhamdulillah dilapangkan masa buat saya untuk bersendiri.

Bersendiri, punya masa untuk diri sendiri, dan berehat.


Though I don't quite like the fact that I have this time to be on my own because I think that I've not done enough for people around me, I seemed to be enjoying every minute of it. Because I know, I won't have this kind of opportunity as often as I wish I do.

And as far as I can remember, last Wednesday was the first night that I got to bed at 10.30pm; one of the earliest so far this year. And I actually time myself to sleep so that I don't do other things that night. My usual sleeping time is past midnight, sometimes surpassing 2 in the morning. And that somehow contributed to the terrible headaches that I occasionally suffer from throughout this year.

Well, throughout this past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot. Too much thinking that I somehow or rather felt a bit demotivated with life as a whole. Maybe most of it is because I am disappointed with myself in terms of my spiritual relationship with God, that I felt I've not done enough ibadah, and maybe my life revolves too much in this worldly things surrounding me.

Kadang-kadang saya melihat manusia di keliling saya, terlampau sibuk mengejar hiburan dunia, dan segala kemewahan di dalamnya. Hingga kadang-kadang mungkin, mereka terlupa pada tujuan asal kehidupan. Dan saya sedikit kesal, kerana saya semakin terheret ke dalam kepompong pemikiran yang sama.

Bila terlalu memikirkan semua ini, saya rasa sedih dan..entah mungkin kecewa. Kerana manusia lupa, malah saya juga hampir lupa, akan tujuan saya dilahirkan di muka bumi ini. Semua orang boleh mengatakan bahawa, ya tujuan hidup di dunia adalah untuk beribadah kepada Allah. Tapi, entah berapa ramai sahaja yang betul-betul menjadikan kehidupan mereka di dunia sebagai ibadah kepadaNya.

Maybe if we talk about ibadah from the narrow aspect, ie ibadah khusus, we can never see and we can never understand how we can live our life as an ibadah to God. But we really have to see ibadah, from the whole perspective of it. Living life as a Muslim, is to be God conscious all the time.

Most people are always conscious on the way they look, and what other people think about them. But only a few are conscious on how Allah looks at them. What we do, what we eat, with whom we spend our time with, and to make it simply, on how we spend our precious time.

Sometimes, we don't even think about God for the whole day of our lives. Yes, we pray. But is there God in our heart and mind? Yes, we say Bismillah, when we start eating, or when we begin our journey and whatnot, but sometimes, somehow we forgot. That in the words we utter, there is Allah in it, but He is not in our mind.

When we pray, we want to finish it fast, so we can do other things. Are we considered as a good Muslim if we cannot even spare a few more minutes to remember Him, and think about Him, and ask forgiveness from Him.. because we think that we are too busy and we don't have the time to sit down and just worship Him..


Who are we to say that we deserve to get this and that and who are we to say that we want to be in Jannah in the hereafter when all we do now is everything but not remembering Him in our hearts?


I've been thinking a lot... I know that this world will always distract me, to enjoy all the pleasures and worldly things.. and I know that there's a limit to it. I know that God gave me all these to make it easy for me and us all to live our lives. But God also ask us to enjoy only as much as we need, and not as much as we want.


Remembering God is not that hard I guess..but we really have to be conscious all the time. Of Him. I really hope that this year, I'm really gonna improve on this. I don't have anyone to remind me all the time about my responsibility as a Muslim, and I cannot depend on anyone for it is my belief, my Iman and my responsibility as a person. I guess, one of the ways is to always realise that I have two angels by my side, for as long as I live, to give me rewards for my good deeds and to mark all of my sins to be judged by Allah, later on in the hereafter.. and sometimes maybe, people do not realise the fact that all of them have these two angels doing their job, endlessly until the day we die..


Sesungguhnya dengan mengingati Allah, hati akan menjadi tenang...